March 3, 2002 3 A.M.

            This morning I had a moment of enlightenment.  I had the occasion -- the freedom -- to get up at three a.m., walk into the kitchen, open the fridge, open the window, check my e-mail, and go back to sleep -- or not to do so.

            I have had the occasion to do all of the above many nights already since getting out, but I had not reached that “Ah ha!” moment like I had tonight.  I was getting up and doing things in the middle of the night because I could, and how because just weeks earlier I could not do any of those things.

            Today, upon awakening, for the first time I felt the choice to get up, or not to get up. 

            Freedom is much more elusive than becomes apparent to both the oppressed and the oppressor.

            Freedom does not mean having the ability to get up at three a.m. to eat ice cream, but having the choice. 

            Identifying the choice is the true gift of freedom. 

            Happiness only comes once this freedom is discovered.  (This is a much trickier goal than is readily apparent - think of Richard Cory.)  Happiness does not come from having things.  I am beginning to think there is an equally true parallel that happiness does not come from the freedom to do, or not do things, but only from the ability to identify the choice in doing or not doing.

-- March 3, 2001 

-- Fidjle@FreeJesse.net

Copyright (c) 2003 by Jesse Friedman